What do we stand for?
The new Conservative policy statement leading into the last 2 months of the present Labour government (probably) was unveiled in Brighton a week ago and needs to become a mantra:
- Act on Debt?
- Get Britain working-This i have to see
- Make Britain family friendly-Not married you have had it.
- Back the NHS till we all go private
- Raise standards in schools-Every one is going to Grammer schools
- Change politics-god help us
Stephen Gilbert recommends that every Conservative activist puts this up on their wall and looks at it before every action they make.
The Conservative Party chair has answered…
- Act on Debt
“We will give bailiffs more powers allowing them to people’s kids off them and sell them to childless couples via DirectGov to save spending on IVF”
- Get Britain working
“We accept it is broken but that’s Labours fault blahh blahh. We will simply deport all the dolies and poor people who quite rightly don’t want to work for peanuts to Afghanistan where there are plenty of jobs as as armed convoy escorts or opium farmers”
- Make Britain family friendly
“Sundays will be renamed “Family Fundies”, we will erect a giant pink bouncy castle (so it is more friendly for our gay citizens) in Trafalgar Square and give the profits to tackle yobs in places like Wythenshawe who carry weapons in their pants (especially when David Cameron visits).
- Back the NHS
“Back in time, like the good old days with Matron and leeches to save money – and help the environment”.
- Raise standards in schools
“We will ban skirts and use audio/video surveillance along with tasers to clamp down on bad behaviour foul language. We will invest in home-schooling for the poorest, and send mobile libraries that double as privately-owned food vans to council estates”
- Change politics
“We will abolish altogether it and replace it with ‘The King John Tax’, saving middle-England millions of pounds”